I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
