Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
