if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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