I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
