is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
