I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
