THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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