You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
