i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
