Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
