Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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