I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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