My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
