She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
