I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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