Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
