I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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