did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
