FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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