My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
