so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
