The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
