census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize