Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
