I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
As shirtless as possible
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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