And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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