i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
