She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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