I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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