I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
