OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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