I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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