Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
