Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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