you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
