I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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