I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
