I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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