Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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