the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
