Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
