Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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