His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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