Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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