i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
