ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
