hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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