my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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