It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
