i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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