I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
