I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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