Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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