You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
