also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Randomize
