You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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