Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
