is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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