That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize