got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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