what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
