I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
