Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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