Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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