Swine flu. Run for my life!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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