I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
