my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
